~Helping New Alumni with the Issue of Sponsorship ~

In dealing with new alumni, of course one of the primary issues that will be addressed is the need for sponsorship. While some new alumni will secure a sponsor within the alumni community, others may not.
But in many cases the only place they may initially ask questions regarding this matter will be at alumni meetings and in speaking with members of the alumni program. Due to this, we have put together both a question and answer sheet regarding sponsorship, as well as a Do Not(s) and Do(s) list for obtaining a sponsor, that you are welcome to print out for personal use.

Sponsorship Questions and Answers

How do I get a sponsor?
To get a sponsor, all you have to do is ask. You can do this at a meeting, when a speaker comes in
from an outside meeting OR at an Alumni Meeting.

What if I ask and they say NO?
Sometimes this happens--it can be for various reasons such as: they may be sponsoring a lot of people already, they may have a schedule that would not allow them to be there for you the way you need, they may not be at a place in their own recovery that they feel comfortable sponsoring, etc.--If someone says no, then chalk it up to God pointing you in a different direction and keep asking!

What is the difference between a temporary sponsor and a sponsor?
A temporary sponsor is someone who knows from the start that you need someone for right now, but
that it may change down the road. That way you do not have to feel pressured to stay with them and they know that this may be a temporary situation. (vs) A sponsor is the person that you have decided to stay
with until and unless something changes in your future. Having a temp. sponsor is not that unusual, because how can you REALLY know for sure that you are with the right person until you have had time to be
around them?

What is the point of a sponsor?
The point of a sponsor is this--ANYBODY other than you is going to be an improvement in your life!
If our thinking and reasoning was so good w/regards to drug/alcohol use, we would have never ended up where we did. A sponsor is not your boss, not your parent--but the sponsor is the person who has--been there and done that--and has come out the other end sober and productive. They have what you need.

When do I get a sponsor?
NOW! You do not need to wait. Getting a temporary sponsor while in treatment is the best thing that you
can do. It gives you someone to talk to AND to listen to. Most importantly it enables you to begin the
healthy habit of--calling, talking and listening--which will make you FAR more likely to do it when
you leave.

How long do I have to have a sponsor?
There is nothing set in stone regarding this issue--however, it is a safe bet that as long as you are breathing,
you are human--and as long as you are human, you will have this disease--and as long as you have it, you
will need to be following the direction of someone other than yourself--so let us say, as long as you want
to continue to be in recovery and continue to grow forward, you need to have a sponsor.

What do I do when I go home about a sponsor?
Well hopefully you will have a temporary sponsor here in FL and you will take their number and email with you when you go home. You will want to keep daily contact with them. Then you want to go to your
meetings everyday and within 7 days get a new temporary sponsor.

How long should a sponsor be in recovery?
It is always advisable that a sponsor have a MINIMUM of 1 year of recovery--that means not just
clean for that long--but actually doing the work for a year. Of course the longer a person has been
practicing their recovery the better!

Why does it matter?
The reason that sobriety time matters is that the longer a person has been in recovery, the longer they have faced life on lifes terms and found solutions to dealing with it. (Everything from kids, to jobs, to relationships, to just about anything you can think of.) You can look at it like this, if you started a new job, (that you REALLY needed), would you want the other new less experienced guy to train you? OR Would you want the old fart that knows EVERYTHING there is to know?

How come I can not have someone of the opposite sex as my sponsor?
Well lets get the MOST obvious answer out of the way first--Because many a person has ended up in relapse from the emotional strings that developed between a man and a woman. Now, the more prevalent reason is this: No matter how much a woman may empathize with a man--she can NEVER know what
it is to BE a man. Likewise, no matter how much a man may empathize with a woman--he can NEVER
know what it is to BE a woman. Our life is quite literally on the line with regards to our recovery and we
need to know that the person we are dealing with knows where we are coming from and can give their personal experience as they have dealt with it in their own recovery.

What if my sponsor never returns my calls or is not working steps with me?
Get another sponsor--The SOLE job of a sponsor is to guide & direct you in what the steps are, what they are for, how to use them & what the out come is supposed to be.

What if I hear something that I shared with my sponsor in confidence?
Get another sponsor--There is NO EXCUSE for that EVER happening. It is imperative that you be able to trust the confidence of your sponsor.

What if my sponsor does not return my phone calls?
Get another sponsor

How do I learn more about Sponsorship?
Get a Sponsorship pamphlet at the AA meeting and read Working With Others in the AA Big Book.

Sponsorship

Do Not(s) and Do(s)

Things I DO NOT need to be looking for:

1) I do not need to be looking for someone who has the qualities to be my best friend.

2) I do not need to be looking for someone that had the same drug of choice as me.

3) I do not need to be looking for someone to date.

4) I do not need to be looking for someone who is currently struggling with the same issues that I am.

5) I do not need to be looking for someone who is at the same stage of recovery that I am.

6) I do not need to be looking for someone to fix me.

7) I do not need to be looking for someone that will tell me what I want to hear.

8) I do not need to be looking for someone that will loan me money, rides or a job.

9) I do not need to be looking for someone that will allow me to do nothing and still call them my sponsor.

10) I do not need to be looking for someone that will repeat things that I say to them.

11) I do not need to be looking for someone that does not return my calls.

12) I do not need to look at someone that is not working steps with me or taking time to meet with me.

13) I do not need to look at someone that is going to be judging me or shaming me in any way.

14) I do not need to look at someone who does not make time for me OR leaves me hanging when they are away.

15) I do not need to look at someone who is trying to use me as their sponsor.

Things I DO need to be looking for:

1) I do need to be looking for someone who will care about my recovery more than my feelings.

2) I do need to look for someone who, (while they may have used a different chemical than me), I can relate to their experience with the disease.

3) I do need to look for a sponsor of the same sex as myself.

4) I do need to look for someone that has been through my struggles and come out the other side with experience and solutions to share with me.

5) I do need to look for someone with some good time in recovery, no less than 1 year and not just abstinent, but practicing what they preach.

6) I do need to look for someone that can set boundaries with me (i.e. draw the line between sponsoring my recovery and trying to be my therapist).

7) I do need to look for someone that will not care what I want to hear, but will tell me what I need to hear, even if I do not like it.

8) I do need to look for someone that knows how to say NO to me with regards to giving me things I can get on my own.

9) I do need to look for someone that will NOT allow me to do nothing (i.e. they will not sponsor me if I am unwilling to follow directions).

10) I do need to look for someone that will keep my confidence.

11) I do need to look for someone that will return my calls.

12) I do need to look for someone that WILL work the steps with me and meet with me.

13) I do need to look for someone that will not judge me or shame me.

14) I do need to look for someone that is available to me or makes provision for me to have someone in their absence.

15) I do need to look for someone that uses a sponsor themselves.