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Today was definitely interesting-- to say the least! Staying clean is always a struggle, I think we can all relate to that. However no matter how hard it gets, the tough times can often be reminders of all the beautiful relationships we have developed since getting clean. Today was one of those days for me. This morning I woke up with a really uneasy feeling, I have spent my whole life battling anxiety. I always stress about doing well, and worry that I can not. So when I got up with a knot in my stomach, it was not a foreign feeling. I knew exactly why I was nervous, today I have 60 days clean. I know what you are thinking; why would she be scared? She should be celebrating! But the truth is, it seems like every time I hit a landmark event in my sobriety its just another thing added to the pile of accomplishments I could lose.
After spending a lifetime sabotaging my success and relationships, I have become scared that I will not be able to break the habit. I voiced my concern to a few friends, and let them know how awful I was feeling, they told me to talk to my sponsor, so I did. My sponsor met me at my nightly meeting, where I planned to celebrate my accomplishment, and we sat down to talk. I told her how I felt, and then she told me exactly what I needed to hear.
She let me know that while its normal to be afraid of loss, its also a happy reality that I now have things to lose! She reminded me of all the things I had accomplished in the last 60 days; I am talking to my family again, I have friends that truly care about me, I have my physical health, and I have a new job! (Just to list a few.) She let me know that while I have built a life for myself, that I could potentially lose, I have also built a network of support around me to keep me from losing the things I care most deeply about.
She let me know that getting 60 days clean was not like earning a title I could lose, but instead it was putting one more obstacle in between myself and the dark truth that could take all I had worked for. Getting up in that meeting and getting my 60 days chip was one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had, but more important than the chip, were the people in the room there to support me.
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is seeking your input. Write about how you have changed since treatment. How have you handled situations that have arisen during your recovery? Tell us about becoming and /or striving for "Happy, Joyous and Free". What has worked and helped you to stay clean and sober just might help someone else. Send us your Story. 