This is the situation we encounter if we find someone we wish to be with and either one of us is in early recovery. Now if we find ourselves to be the person with more clean time one would hope that we would easily see the need for boundries and realize that, though our feelings may be real they cannot be full. Because, you see no one is capable of loving someone who does not yet know themselves. It is also expected that someone with substantial clean time would recognize the selfish cruelty that goes along with dating a newcomer. In early recovery anything that might act as an escape or even just a distraction can be detrimental to the stability of that individual.

Now, what if you are on the flip side of that coin. What if you are in fact the newcomer that has fallen for someone. What then do you do? Clearly self control is not a strong suit as you have found yourself in recovery. No, self control nor self restraint will be your aid in this instance. Instead you must rely on internal honesty. You must be true and clear with yourself about your motives and desires. Why now? Why him/her? What are my hopes for the future of this relationship? How would I react at this point in my life if something traumatic were to occur? We must be completely honest in answering all of these questions and then we will know the appropriate course of action to take.