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Certainly, the overwhelming majority of you consider that phenomenon nothing short of a miracle, and you are marveling at their new and normal lifestyle. So why does your stomach still lurch and your fists still clench when your daughter, husband, best friend or fiance is a few minutes late coming home from work or school or announces they are leaving to attend a recovery-related event with their new sober friends? The issue at hand is not necessarily that you want the addict in your midst 24/7--but more along the lines of contemplating the answer to the experience-based question: When they are not here, are they not only out of sight but out of their mind--again? Jackie Glass, psychotherapist for The Watershed Addiction Treatment Centers, says one of the biggest challenges facing family and friends is learning to trust again. "It is normal for friends, family and co-workers to be anxious when the addict returns home and back to work after treatment", Jackie says. "Trust is earned in time through communication, concrete behavior changes and in the achievement of significant clean time.""Family and friends naturally fear the addict/alcoholic will relapse and ultimately die," Jackie continues."They feel anger and resentment because of the addict/alcoholic's negative behaviors, yet love the individual and have hope for their future. Because of these fears and ambivilent feelings, the issue of trust and family expectations are exceptionally important to address in family counseling prior to the addict/alcoholic returning home."A constant credo in the life of recovering addicts is--One day at a time-- which essentially means that sobriety is a day-to-day journey. For the recovering addict, sobriety is maintained post-treatment using a combination of the tools learned while in rehab and learning to apply them afterward with the help of a 12-step program, counseling or therapy, and in many cases, doctor-prescribed psychiatric medications. One day at a time also applies to the recovering addicts family and friends. Rebuilding relationships damaged or destroyed by alcoholism and addiction will not magically happen when you embrace your loved one upon their discharge from treatment. It is normal and OK to not immediately break through the barriers of mistrust. Trust, like sobriety, is a valued and precious commodity which will be earned through vigilance, patience, compassion, behavioral and spiritual changes, living proof and time. |